How To Feel Great About Your Body

Have you been overly conscious about your body lately? Then perhaps it’s time to change the image you have about your body and put some zing into your love life. 

For starters, what do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see a woman who has achieved a lot in life, a fighter and a loving mother and wife? Or do you see a fifty plus woman with a handful of imperfections? A body that doesn’t meet up with the sexy twenty or thirty something or more realistically looked past its prime.  And wait for this, when your husband makes the first move, affectionately, do you cringe at the thought of having to expose your body or do you get excited and aroused?

Your body image is the mental picture you have in your mind of how you look – your shape, size, beauty, which can be positive or negative. For instance, if you’re  the type of woman who prefers the lights off or all the curtains drawn, rather than ‘let’s have the lights on darling’, then we may be looking at the negative body image here, except of course you and your partner adore the darkness and find it more romantic to feel each other’s body in the dark!

Another symptom of negative body image is seeing every admiring comment as sweet talk.  For instance, your reply to ‘you’re looking beautiful’ may be something like ‘oh, am I for real? You could have fooled me, but I don’t feel beautiful.’ Yet another warning sign is feeling silly or ridiculous in sexy outfits or lingerie.

If you have a negative body image, this can impact how you see yourself and on how much you’re able to share yourself with another. Whether you’re a size 10 or 20 shouldn’t be the benchmark for having a great sex life. What matters more are your self-esteem and self-worth, and of course how you see your body has everything to do with it.  Sometimes when you see models with beautiful bodies, this may make you self-conscious.  You may feel inadequate believing they’re the ones men will have a good time with, fuelled by this subtle belief, driven by the media, that sex is the exclusive preserves of the young and perfect.  A belief most women of all ages find hard to handle. But the truth is that your sex appeal is about how you feel about you, not how others see you. You can be in your late fifties, short, grey haired, flat chested, and fat. Normally many would not expect you to have an active sex life. But to everyone’s surprise, you do. Your husband adores you the way you are and here is the nugget – you let him.

Know Your Body

Your body may not be as bad as you think it is. You may see your skin as ugly in the mirror and your mind accepts that negative thought. Surprisingly the skin you think is rough and patchy may exist only in your eyes.  The solution is to get to know your body again.  Don’t allow any criticisms get to you. But when they do, ignore them. And if it gets too much, give yourself the love you deserve, knowing you’re perfectly and wonderfully made.

Menopause the ‘Change’.

It can be difficult for women to understand the change in sexual desire and the falling body image, when a year previously it wasn’t an issue, but suddenly it’s now one.  The changing chemistry can affect your sex drive during the menopause, but many women go on to enjoy pleasing sex lives after they have passed the menopause.  There is evidence to suggest that women are more likely to be, not just orgasmic, but multi-orgasmic after the ‘change’.  The solution is to try and understand the liberating feeling of menopause, even if you experience symptoms such as vaginal dryness and anxiety; they shouldn’t be a big deal.  Get an insight and discuss with your doctor about what’s happening physically and what can help.

Am I with the right person?

When there is a problem in a relationship, the women are blamed. Then again, take a step back and look at the relationship you are in.  Is it the right one?  Is your partner suited to you? The fact is that being with the wrong person will make sexual relations tough, and the relationship will likely get worse. Be aware that some people just don’t fit.  It's as simple as that. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may be putting up with a relationship that you would be best out of, or think about counseling to get an impartial view.

Discard Criticism

Positive criticism is good because it helps correct those negative things about us.  People who are anxious about their bodies are often those criticised as a teenager. So what you need to do is to see criticism as a tidal wave that comes and goes.  The solution is to talk to the people criticising you.  Tell them you need to hear positive things about you. Surely there must be a bundle. 

Forget the Past

Feeling self-conscious in bed is often a lot more complex than just wishing you looked like Beyoncé, Kim, Agbani, or J. Lo. The self-consciousness could be from childhood.  We may have been told we were not good enough or not as bright or pretty as our older brother or younger sister. Moreover, parents who felt that sex was something shameful, dirty and disgusting can play a big role in how we feel about our own body.   The solution is to put the past in the past where it belongs, and focus on who you are today. Alternatively seek help from a therapist if you can’t deal with them.

Feel Good Everyday

Aim to feel good every day, and these 5 tips will help you have a better image of yourself.

• ·         Reject any comparison with anyone, and remember your uniqueness.  Bear in mind that all those glossy perfect images of perfect women you see are illusions. Appreciate and value who you are, how you look, and built a positive sense of endorsement and love for yourself.

• ·         Be happy with your curves. Yeah, OK you may not feel happy with your body overnight if you’ve been criticising yourself for decades.  But you can start with a tiny step.  Take your time to apply your favourite body lotion. Close your eyes and feel your way round your body.  Don’t give this up as a silly idea. Stay with it and you’ll feel more relaxed and positive afterwards.

• ·         Touch and allow your partner to touch you.  Touching and intimacy is more important and worth nurturing.  Massage has always worked well for people who are unhappy with their bodies.  There is always the initial discomfort and self-consciousness, but five minutes into it you feel much better and liberated, allowing the acceptance of the loving hands on your body.

• ·         Get a mirror that flatters your look. Get rid of the one that every time you pass it, a self –criticism of a part of your body follows.  Place the mirror where the light falls flattering your face and gives you a healthy glow. Another promise I need you to make; every time you see your reflection, think and say something nice, like ‘Hmm…this babe looks hot.’
  
  
  
  
  

• ·         Buy yourself gifts to show you are worth spending on. Could be perfumes or flowers, a new sassy mobile phone, a pair of sunglasses, or exquisite jewelry. They don’t have to be prohibitive in terms of price.  Just things to make you feel good. If you get to this feeling of pampering yourself once in a while, it wouldn’t seem strange if your partner wants to spoil you a little too. 
  

PPhoto Credit: Creative Commons.