You Are Beautiful!

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides - Audrey Hepburn.

There are different classifications of beauty which vary from one continent to another. For instance Asia, Africa, Middle East, America, Australia, Europe have their definitions of beauty.  Even within each continent, there is still a diverse appreciation of what constitutes beauty.  For instance, in Asia you have the Indians, Chinese, and the Japanese with own perception of beauty.  In Africa, there are physical uniqueness associated with people from different regions - the ‘ample bosom and hips’ of the black South African which is legendary, the ‘charm and perfect teeth’ of the West African, the ‘dark glossy skin’ of the East African, the ‘graceful neck’ of the North African, and so on.

 In America and Europe, it is even more varied.  From the ‘classic’ beauty of the American, the ‘posture elegance’ of the Brazilian, the ‘rose complexion’ of the English, the ‘beautiful tresses’ of the Scottish,  the ‘milky flawless skin’ of the Scandinavian and the Norwegians, the ‘exquisite glamour’ of the French, to the ‘facial perfection’ of the Italians.  We can go on and on.  But the question now is, do women create their own ideals of beauty, or agree with those created for them by society and the media?

Theories of beauty have always been left to men (and to some women); the film directors, poets, publicist, and writers.  For instance, Elechi Amadi, the Nigerian novelist, had his own definition of African beauty in his description of Ihuoma, the principal female character in his book The Concubine.  No wonder females always want to be seen as beautiful and acceptable by men.  Thankfully it is an attitude that is changing as women are redefining basic beauty.  For many, beauty is about health and attitude to life; hence beauty is no longer as a means to an end but an end in itself.

This having been said, women continue to spend money and long hours on beauty routine.  Women want to look good irrespective of their juggling roles of motherhood, wife and career. So if women are being dragged in different directions, how do we stay beautiful?  I think it is possible to link beauty with wellbeing.  What this means essentially is that any woman concerned about her beauty should also be concerned about her health.  Beauty is no longer something to be created from the outside cosmetically, but from the inside through what you feed and how you treat your body.  In other words exotic makeup, or elaborate beauty treatment, should be replaced with a positive attitude and a healthy lifestyle. You may have been lucky to inherit good looks from your parents, but if you have a negative attitude to life and don’t care much about your health, the beauty becomes superficial irrespective of facial cream or cosmetics.  This brings me to my definition of today’s beauty as demonstrated by a healthy, and attractive, body with a positive outlook.  This means we can all have good health and good looks if we look after our body. When we feel good, we look good; from inside out.

Identify Your Beauty Signature

Men are always beholding women.  A woman sees herself as being beheld, looking at herself through other people’s eyes, and applying other people’s standards to what she sees.  Soon enough, women become their own critics, assessing themselves against standards and ideals that do not apply or exist.  For instance, an eighteen-year-old girl, sees a beautiful celebrity on the red carpet, and then turns to the mirror.  If the reflection she sees doesn’t fit the celebrity’s perfect image, she is miserable and anxious.  She starts to identify her imperfections: ‘I am too thin or too fat’. ‘My cheekbones are too low or too high’.  ‘My teeth are too spaced or too tight’. ‘My lips are too small or too big’.  My nose is too small or too big’.  ‘My neck is too short or too long’. ‘My legs are too short or too long’.  Phew!  We can go on and on.  It is unhealthy to start to hate any part of your body.  What you need to do is make the bit about your body you don’t like the most beautiful. Don’t go into the emotional trauma of wanting to please the man that beholds your beauty. Rather identify your beauty signature - could be your sparkling eyes, your infectious charm, intelligence, glossy hair, sweet smile, perfect set of teeth, nice legs, sensuous lips - and celebrate those beauties.

So How Do You Feel Beautiful?

Beauty should be an inner feeling, an attitude of mind, which happens to all women. Those women who have experienced these beautiful inner feeling moments ascribe it to a particular mood.  They have come to identify this mood and replay it as often as possible to re-enact that beautiful feeling.   Feeling beautiful is a total experience that is psychological, emotional, and physical.  It is when everything is right.  Some women relate their ‘feeling beautiful’ mood to when they are on top of things and in control, or feeling rested, refreshed and relaxed, or liking themselves, or loving their partners, or wearing a favourite colour or a comfortable outfit, or looking well groomed, or achieving desired goals, or when pregnant or nursing a baby. These are just some of the major beauty-inspiring moods, and by no means exhaustive. 

It is important to do whatever makes you feel beautiful and you will definitely look beautiful.  It is important to note, however, that the emotional and the psychological factors are crucial to total beauty than physical appearance. While wearing a favourite clothing, or colour, and being well groomed are important, physical appearance is only a part, and a natural consequence of the feeling that you are beautiful.  For instance if you have lost control of your life, bored, constantly under stress, or not involved in a loving relationship,  the chances are that you will not be interested in your looks either. 

11 Tips to Help You Feel Beautiful

·       1.  Build confidence into your life. Broaden your horizon by reading more, seek knowledge and information.  Get out of your enclosed space.

·       2.  If you’re in a committed relationship which is not giving you positive vibes re-examine your roles and redefine if need be.  If on the other hand, you are not committed, get out of the relationship if it’s giving you sleepless nights.

·      3,  Fall in love.  You will always feel beautiful, and look beautiful – your eyes and skin get instant rejuvenation.

·        4.  Be aware of your moods, particularly the way you treat your body and the way you hold yourself when you are happy or sad.  If you are happy, you will always walk tall and confident, but if you are sad the tendency is to slouch.

·      5. Do you constantly reach for food or a drink when your body is reacting to stress?  You will only get momentary relief. Rather than reach for that drink or chocolate bar, count up to 100.  If that doesn’t work, go for a walk, book an appointment for a manicure, meditate or pray.

·     6. Eat healthily, exercise, and lose weight if excess weight is preventing you from achieving your goals. In any case, and I’m dead serious, if you’re overweight you already have too much to eat, so give the extra to the hungry.  Just as you reach out to help, others are eager to return your love. Such kindness will make you feel beautiful.

·      7. Rearrange some aspects of your lifestyle, so you can meet new challenges as they come, while giving you extra time to unwind.

·     8. For attractive lips, speak words of compassion. When you snarl, speak bitter or unkind words, your lips don’t look too pretty. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. If you’re always looking for imperfections, your eyes will be sad and cold, instead of the warm, passionately sensual and sparkling eyes you display when encouraging others. So go on, show warmth to others, smile, laugh and you will be beautiful.   For beautiful hair, let a child play with your hair once a day.  Yes, I know, you don’t want your hair style messed up.  But believe me there is nothing like a child’s love, it makes you beautiful.

·   9. Work on your appearance and be charming.  If you’re scruffy, people will treat you with disrespect.   If you’re charming, you will reduce the barrier between you and other people. Putting a smile on someone’s face when all hope seems lost makes you glow inside, and that’s beautiful.

·      10. Yes it’s good to make space for beauty routine in your life.  It’s good to follow simple skincare and haircare routine.  It’s good to visit the dentist once in a while for scaling and polishing.  However, the truth is that you’re more beautiful as you grow older. Don’t shoot me down yet. This is my reason.  You’re more in tune with your body.  You know it well and know what to do to make it perform beautifully.  Let me put it this way, experience is the best teacher, don’t you agree?

·      11. While it’s OK to be committed and work at looking good, then again, the beauty of a woman is not only in a facial mode. True beauty is showing kindness and love to others which makes you radiate loveliness.  This is the beauty people see, as your facial and physical characteristics pale into insignificance. Do you remember Mother Theresa?  I think she’s a good example of a beautiful woman. Can you think of others in your society? You can learn a thing or two from them.

A toast to all beautiful women in the world, and that includes the writer 😅

Photo Credit: Creative Commons.