13 Ways to Keep Your Man in Love

Admit many women work relentlessly to keep the fire of love burning in their marriages, the  truth is the tendency to get a bit laid-back in our roles as wives with time.  Some get tired with the whole ‘commitment’ thing.  Some slip into a less caring attitude about how they look, which is often blamed on the multiple roles of a caring mother, dutiful wife, and housekeeper. But we cannot assume that the man doesn’t  care about the change in our attitude. He takes notice and cares. Doing something creative every now and then to maintain his interest cannot hurt either.  So let us do a little bit of heart-to-heart talk.

Stop Taking Him For Granted

Huh, huh, that is right.  Do not take him for granted. Many of us do this without even knowing it. “Oh my husband is simple; he eats anything I serve him”.  Or “I trust him completely; he will never cheat on me no matter what”.  It is ironic that after getting your man, as time goes by you let go.  For instance the man comes home from work and what does he see? The house is a mess and dinner is not ready.  To make matters worse, his woman has cultivated this habit of lounging around in an old shapeless maxi dress, to cover the extra 10 kg- settling on her tummy, bum and thighs, which makes her less attractive. This is a definite departure from the svelte healthy young lady that stole his heart five years before.   And when the night comes for a little intimacy, she pleads a headache, not to forget going to bed in a baggy pajamas, her head covered with a night cap.  Very off-putting, don’t you think?

Don’t Stop Being Beautiful And Sexy

 “I was the most beautiful girl in the university so had a roll call of admirers.  I chose to marry my husband at the age of twenty-five.  My figure was intact and my breasts a sight to behold.  My husband showed me off during our dates, particularly when heads turn to admire me. I became pregnant second year of my marriage and we were both excited at the prospect of having tiny feet run in the house.  It was a difficult pregnancy.  I almost vomited my intestine.  I became sluggish, tired, and completely out of it.  And to worsen the situation, I refused making love with my husband even when it was safe to do so.  My excuse was we could not afford a miscarriage.  The baby came, a beautiful girl, and the next one year was very challenging – breast feeding, sore nipples, pain from episiotomy stitches, sleepless nights and, shocker of all shockers, my tummy refused to go down.  My good God, What am I going to do?” laments one woman.  The simple answer: calm down, eat healthily, and exercise so you can quickly get back your pre-pregnancy shape. It isn’t going to be easy, but don’t give up.

Be Faithful To Your Marital Vows

 Laudable vows, but how committed are you really?  Let’s look at one vow – ‘in sickness and in health’.  Suddenly, your husband is diagnosed with an illness that defies all logic. Although it is a protracted illness, the doctor assured you he is going to get better with love and care.  Six months into the illness, you are still struggling to keep the house together. You stayed in there fighting for the love of your life. Let’s look at another vow - ‘for richer, for poorer’.  This one is dicey.  You were lucky to marry a handsome super rich man.  He took you all over the world, bought you expensive gifts – cars, houses, jewellery – your children are in the best schools, and you live the life of the rich and famous.  Ten years into your marriage, disaster struck.  Your husband lost all his riches in one big swoop.  Before you know it, all your properties sold, no money, no more high life, children withdrawn from private schools and placed in public schools.  Everyday existence became a struggle. Mouthing such vows was not for the fun of it. You have to take them seriously. Getting my drift?

Work to Keep His Ring Band

There is this song that simply goes like this ‘you are now wearing my wedding ring my darling, nothing and nobody is going to separate us’.  But the truth of the matter is you must work hard to keep the ring on the second finger of your left hand.  In Africa, much is expected from the woman when it comes to keeping the marriage intact.  So I am looking at it from this perspective. While a wedding band puts you in the league of the married couples, it doesn’t guarantee a happy or unbroken home. There is an African saying, ‘as you make your bed, so you lay in it’ which means you get as much as you put into a relationship.

Show Him You Care

 “He has to care for me first; say ‘I love you’ first because I am the weaker sex.  In any case if I show him too much love, he will get swollen- headed”, is your justification for being distant.  No, it is doubtful if he will allow all that loving and caring go to his head, unless of course he is totally unreasonable and childish.  Tell you what, men too want to be pampered, loved, and feel extra special, particularly when the woman is spearheading the intimacy.  If you are guilty of denying your husband affection, you must get off this high horse before someone who has eyes for him do it for you.

Take Care of Yourself Too

 Nothing puts off a man than an untidy and careless woman:  unkempt hair, scaly rough skin, spotty face, smelly armpits and mouth. Take a hard look at yourself in the mirror and score yourself between 0-10.  How did you do?  Be truthful to yourself.  This is not about dressing like a celebrity, but about basic body hygiene, good grooming, and smart appearance.  Your husband looks at you, and he melts.  That is it! You got it.

Make Your House His ‘Haven’

He has a hard day at work and looks forward to coming home because you have made it into a place of undisturbed rest.  Alternatively, he leaves the office and instead of coming to you goes to a restaurant for a bowl of nice catfish pepper soup and a bottle of Guinness stout.  He stays with his friends till evening, finally gets home at 9p.m, ignores the supper on the dining table, takes a shower and goes to bed.  No time to even play with the kids.  Why? This is because your house resembles the aftereffects of a tornado hit. Everywhere a mess: dirty clothes all over, the sitting room is a beehive of gossip-mongers (your girl friends have come over to gist you on the latest news in town and still yapping when your husband walks through the door), the children are screaming for attention, you then start your nagging, and to make matters worse, the lights went off (which by the way is not your fault). But did you let him know the power generator has developed a fault? No wonder he runs away from home. Do not blame him.

 

Respect Him; Agree Together

 ‘The husband is the crown of a woman’ is another popular saying in the African culture.  Not only that, he is also the head of the household.  Hence you have to give him that respect, whether he puts the bacon on the table or not.  He is still the man.  Know what that means? R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  I asked a man what his wife must do to make him stay in love. He said his wife has to respect him as the head of the house, to bestow the respect he deserves.  According to him, he really doesn't begrudge the success of many women nowadays and he is always proud of his wife’s achievement.  However, he would hate to be ridiculed and made uncomfortable in his own house, if for instance ‘my wife’s success begins to enter her brain’.  For him, without being a chauvinist, the woman has the right to ask questions on grey areas, but at the end of the day both of them should agree decisions together.

Learn to Cook Delicious Healthy Recipes

 The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  Our men love their food.  So watch out! If you belong to the category of women who put their husband’s belly in the hands of the housemaid, or chef, think again.  I know this is the age of women liberation and the role definition has come to include ‘co-breadwinner’, which means women spend more time on career building than the home.  Balancing the role of co-breadwinner and wife is very crucial to the survival of marriage.  If your culinary skills have never been up to scratch, do not be embarrassed to take a few tips from your mother or mother-in-law.  If that is too much, buy a few books on cooking and do it yourself.  To be on the safe side, you may need to be the guinea pig of your cooking lessons first, before passing the gourmet to your kids and husband. Just kidding!

Don’t Forget to Celebrate Special Moments

Birthdays, the first day you and your husband met, wedding anniversaries, and valentines are special moments in life worth celebrating.  There is a tendency to forget as the years roll by.  Do not wait until golden or silver year of your wedding before you roll out the drums.  Celebrate every year and bring back the wonderful memories.  You forgot your husband’s birthday once or twice.  He tells you ‘don’t worry honey, it does not matter’.  I say, it does.  Put it this way, what if he forgets your birthday, how do you feel?  Hurt? Go on say it with flowers, bottle of his favourite wine, small souvenirs, or whatever you think will make him fall at your feet again.

Show Interest in His Pastimes

He likes to watch football on TV, and you prefer soap operas or reality show like Big Brother.  He likes to go to the gym for a work out, but you would rather do your jumping jacks and sit ups at home.  He likes to discuss world affairs, but you prefer talking about the latest fashion.  He likes to take a walk in the woods and enjoy nature, but you hate all those murky roads and mosquitoes.  He likes jazz music, but your interest is  soul and blues. He likes junk food, but you would rather stick to your salad. We are not saying you have to like the same things or flow in the same direction.  It can be boring.  It helps, though, to have a few common interests. It creates a bond.

Let Your Hair Down Together

We get too serious with time, which is not surprising with children to raise, bills to pay, dreams to live and other interests.  As we get into the nitty-gritty of life we forget how to have fun.  Once in a while let your hair down and come to your children’s level.  Play their games, dance their dance, sing their song, listen to their stories, run around with them and genuinely have fun. It will at least do two things for you:  bring back your energy and give you a healthy glow.

Go On Holidays Together

Taking a family break is alright, but once in a while do it without the children.  That does not make you a bad mum, it is just the simple truth that mum also wants some loving moments with dad.  ‘Mum you can’t leave us alone, it is not fair.  What if I need so and so…’ your younger kid protests, while your teenage son may say something like ‘But mum, don’t you think you are too old for romance? Leave it us ’.  Just turn round and say ‘Sorry my adorable children, mum also has feelings and needs an away time with my husband’.  Say it with a wink in your eye.  They should get the message.  If not, make them happy with a promise to buy them nice presents.  That should help  keep the peace.

Photo Credit: Creative Commons