How To Resolve Unequal Sexual Desire for Good Health

Why is it important to nurture your sex life? Sex therapists lecture us about the uplifting value of good sex to a relationship, and subsequent contribution to good health.  Why? Sex does a lot for the senses: comforts, loves, induces sleep, calms, delights,  gives a sense of wellbeing, and supports healthy discussion and closeness. That’s great. How about when couples experience differences in sexual desire and the resulting tension and loss of closeness? Due to the importance of good sex to relationship and good health, experts advise that if confronting the issue of unequal sexual desire involves some painstaking awkward talks, the rewards in improved sexual and emotional intimacy are worth the trouble. 

Are You In the Mood Or Not?

Well am not going to try and define what good sex is.    I will leave the definition to individual experiences.   The fact remains there are differences in sexual desires between partners, and these affect relationship. When one partner is hot for sex than the other, tempers may flare, and difficult to have good sex in such situations.  However, unequal sexual desire shouldn’t be an end to an otherwise great relationship. Understandably there are times when you are not just in the mood for sex, while your partner’s temperature is on the high side.  There are also times when it is the opposite. You are hot and can’t wait to get it on, and then your partner yawns, rolls over, and starts to snore. It really can be frustrating. Yes?

Time for a few soul searching questions: Do you continue to ignore your partner's sexual advances? Do you feel pressurised and angry because your partner’s sexual desire is on overdrive? Or, on the other hand, is it you that feels unloved, angry and dumped because your partner declines to make love as often as you want? If this is a familiar road, you are not alone. Research has shown sexual desire disorders to be the most reported sexual problem.  Difference in sexual desire, or libido, occurs in about 90% relationships at some stage, and can seem impossible to resolve. The advice from sex therapists is that if you reassess your attitudes, and discuss your sexual needs in a truthful and polite manner, it is possible to salvage the intimacy and closeness you’ve been missing.

It Is Not Totally A Woman Problem

 

Exhaustion, stress, despair, apprehension, some medications, and illness can all contribute to desire changeability. In addition is the issue of hormonal changes which may lower your sex drive, while any fundamental bitterness or anger towards your partner will also inhibit any enthusiasm to be up close and personal.  Admitting low desire is a bigger problem for women, men are not excluded. A survey showed 33% women and 16% men reported lack of sexual interest within a period of 12 months. In the early period of relationships (the honeymoon phase), sex occurs readily and freely, and the yearning is equal.  After about 18 months, new sexual styles may start to show, which may be baffling and off-putting.  At this point, you may question if you are on the same page sexually. Then again, there is every possibility of rearranging your sex life if you still love and care for each other.

Avoid The Inclination To Blame

One of the most destructive things you can do is blame one another for your unequal levels of sexual interest. Some couples start accusing each other for being ‘strange’,  getting caught up in a spiteful sequence where one person tirelessly chase the other for sex and the other tirelessly recoils.  Frequently the person with the lower sex drive is under fire and often persuaded to fix the problem with increased sexual activity. In the long run, the uninterested partner’s sexual drive may increase, only for the other partner to lose interest. What to do? Take cognisance of the difference in your desire levels and take steps not only to address the problem but also to make changes. 

You may find it uncomfortable to discuss your sex lives or unable to clarify to you partner what is arousing or not arousing, then again keep in mind that reinstating and maintaining a satisfying sex life  should be a priority. Accordingly, couples experiencing sexual desire differences are encouraged to discuss their likes and dislikes or meet each other halfway.  Looking past what sounds like an insensitive business suggestion, meeting each other half way may actually increase both chances of getting what you want. If the difference in sexual desire levels is small, most couples are able to agree their sexual activity for mutual satisfaction.  In situations where the problem is left festering, even the small difference in sexual interest can cause undue pressure and misery that lingers.

Be Spontaneous

 

A common misconception about sex is that we should be aroused before we do it. Professional opinion on the other hand stipulates that if we always wait for this to happen, many would never have sex again. So what to do? The low sexual desire partner should find the willingness to have sex without desiring it.  The reason? Once we get on with it, despite not being in the mood, desire and arousal often follow.  It is assumed your willingness to do what is not intended rests on feelings of benevolence and deference already existing in the relationship, which allows you to be sincere to your partner and enjoy sex as lovemaking rather than an act. It also helps to move your perception of sex from just being about erections, intercourse, and orgasms, to sex being a   source of pleasure and intimacy. As a result, meeting each other's needs may include increasing your sexual range and learning about other ways to feel emotionally and physically up close and personal. 

Don't Give Up 

 

I wish you the best of luck as you continue to work on your sex life for better relationship and good health.

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