'Will You Marry Me?' She Asked Him!

Yes, oh yes! Hmm…I like the way we are!  For the starry eyed amongst us, we always expect ‘a yes’ to an offer of marriage.  Men have had the control over whether, when and where to say the four words that so many women long to hear, for so long.  But, how about women making the proposal for a change?  Gasp!  And why not?  Well do not be surprised to learn that some women are already challenging the status quo by getting down on their knees and asking Mr Right for his hand in marriage.  This is not the one-day during leap year when women are allowed and encouraged to make the proposal, but it’s becoming a widespread practice.

This action may raise a few eyebrows in Africa, particularly amongst our men; nevertheless more women are getting exactly what they want; a brand new husband or a better idea about where the relationship is leading.  Times are changing, styles are moving at a quicker speed, men’ s compassion and kindliness are becoming heartier, in any case they’re human beings too. So ladies how about giving them a helping hand; go on and propose to your heartthrob. There, not so bad.

Since you are now being pushed to do the ‘unspeakable’ act, the next question we ask is, how does an African woman propose to her man?  There are no right and wrong answers but relationship experts say you can pop the question the right way and the wrong way. Confused? Don’t be.   If you are contemplating asking, and absolutely sure your partner is ready to take the relationship to new heights, take a deep breath and just do it girl.  But hang on a minute. Experts provide some dos and don’ts to put you on the right track. 

1. You must grasp the nitty-gritty

Once you have decided to propose to your man, it’s important to understand the risks and other essentials of being the first to pop the question.  This is a male dominated society and trying to usurp a man’s role will be taken as an assault on an established value.  Albeit, a female initiated proposal can yield positive results, in a situation where the couple are totally in tune with each other.  Under a natural and healthy relationship where the couple have had a wonderful experience and time together, if a woman turns to the man and say something like ‘I really love being with you and I want you to share my love, so let’s get married’, guys that isn’t  too bad, is it?

2. You must know what you want

Honesty is very essential in any relationship, and it starts with you.  Some questions need to be asked and honest answers given.  ‘What are the reasons for wanting to marry this man?’  ‘What is my view about this relationship?’ ‘Am I ready to spend all the days of my life with this man – for richer for poorer’?  If you really know yourself, you should be able to answer these questions fairly and candidly, and let that objectivity and sincerity guide your steps.  Also be aware that before you propose to your man, you must be at a point where you are free, financially independent, and understand your emotions.  The more you know yourself, the better you’re able to put your finger precisely on the person who matches you completely.  It’s about creating a relationship and a life that is robust and complete, not simply about looking for a husband to take care of you.

 

3. Be honest about your proposal

Don’t propose just because you’ve been waiting for him to propose, and you’re afraid to lose him. That’s to say don’t propose for the sake of putting a wedding band on your finger.  Avoid being patronising in your proposal.  The most essential part of a proper proposal is honesty.  You should be getting married for all the right reasons.  There should be a connection between you, and spending the rest of your life with him should come natural to you.

4. You must know him

The truth is that some men believe proposal is the prerogative of men, and dislike the idea of women dabbling into men’s territory.  On the other hand, your man could be the type that will be pleasantly surprised and excited to have you propose to him.  So it’s crucial to know which side of the range your man belongs before you take the initiative.

5. Don’t propose to evaluate him

It’s possible you want to make the proposal when you want to give your relationship a boost, or when there is a feeling that the man is losing interest or is afraid of commitment.  These are signs that you need to talk about your relationship, not to try to sweep issues under the carpet by asking your man for a lifetime loyalty.   So before you decide to take the bold step of proposing marriage to the man in your life, be sure it is not a weapon to evaluate the state of your relationship.

6. No conditions please

Men are sensitive too, never mind the hard surface.   The last thing you want to do is box your man into a corner, or try to blackmail him into accepting your proposal, no matter how much he loves you and you think your relationship is ‘100%’ perfect.  Ask him to marry you if you’re confident, but drop the ‘conditions’.

7. Be Unique

Propose in a way that makes meaning to your partner.  You must have met somewhere. How about taking him there, and perhaps wearing the same outfit you wore, or if not available anymore, something similar in colour and style that will jolt his memory. Another option is for both of you to visit a place you enjoy and love.  You must evaluate him to know what sort of thing will make him shower you with affection. Whatever you do, your proposal must come from the heart and be as remarkable as your love for each other.

8. If he declines

If he starts to stammer, give excuses, and finally declines your proposal. Beat a retreat. Obviously he’s not ready for commitment. 

Photo Credit: Creative Commons.