6 Blunders Women Make In Marriage
For
starters if you don’t say what you want, your husband is flying solo and very
unlikely to meet your desires. In addition the tone of your voice when you
speak about your problems can make or mar your chances of him listening. There
is also the bedroom matter.
It's easy to get married, but staying married is delicate and tricky. Experts
provide 6 blunders that can destroy a marriage, or at the very least shake its foundations.
It doesn’t matter if it’s you or your spouse committing these blunders, taking
a more proactive action will make all the difference.
1. You are too eager to satisfy
Some
wives are too willing to give up on what they want. It's a situation where the
wife is basically being an accessory to the husband, instead of being a full
and equal partner in the marriage. Some women tend to concentrate on the man, rather making it all about both of them.
Usually, they're afraid of stirring a fight or just assume that to retain the relationship they must put in the back burner what they themselves want. It's a sense of hopelessness that eventually leads to a boiling point.
Her
solution? Express your concerns rationally, whether about housework or
parenting duties, or about not getting enough time with your husband or for
yourself. He may like being with his friends at the weekends while she may want him around for
family time, for example. But if she spoke up, they might be able to work out a better
arrangement, and perhaps switch to a leisure that gives the family and
opportunity to spend quality time together.
2. Not specific about your desires
Couples that perform best in marriage tend to make theirs
desires clear from the start particularly as regards allocated duties,
parenting, finances, according to marriage counsellors.
Unfortunately
several couples don’t engage in those discussions and are functioning
individually not as a team. Many of these couples function on assumptions of
what they grew up with, thinking if it worked for them, then it should also
work for their spouses. Anger can build up if there are dissimilarities in
desires or in a reality unfulfilled. For example, your husband had promised you
could go back for your post graduate degree after nursing your first child, but
reneged on the agreement on the reason that the child needs both parents, and
the mother more. That is one desire dashed. Another case is when some women think
having a baby will bring their husband closer. But research shows marriage
satisfaction plummets after the first child. Once couples are aware of this
fact before marriage, it would assist them manage the constraints and not get
angry when disagreement starts.
3. Not concerned about the tone of your voice
Irrespective
of who is involved, man or woman, the tone of your voice can be a problem when
marked somewhat with negativity. If you are worried, experts advise to table
your concerns in a respectful and civilised manner, rather than spitting in a
voice tinged with frustration, sarcasm and irritation. It’s very OK to
talk about what’s troubling you, but it should be done in a way that looks for
answers and options rather than pouring it in a way that places a hold on a
peaceful solution.
4. Allowing dissimilarity in communication styles
If
you feel you are of the opinion that your husband doesn’t open up to you,
perhaps it’s because he’s not hearing you. So you may want to search other ways
you can try to get through to him. When a woman continues to state the same
complaint over and over again just to be able to get her husband’s attention,
it may be irritating to some men who call it nagging. However it may just be
about dissimilarity in communication styles. For instance, the woman may want
conversation, but the man has not determined how to respond or seems to have
closed up, so the speaker pushes further. That's a nasty pattern.
This
might happen in your relationship a lot. What to do? Try to pause to give your
spouse the space to take in what you’re saying and time to confirm what he has
heard. It might help to examine critically stereotyped personality
idiosyncrasies and what both of you can change. A huge number of marital problems drag
on unnecessarily. The challenge is to identify what can’t be changed and
move towards acceptance. It’s going to be difficult to change a prudent person into
spontaneous person, likewise cautious into a carefree.
5. Underestimate the power of sex
Many
women don’t give enough time for sex usually citing tiredness or taking care of
the kids as excuses. That’s a costly blunder, experts repeat. The fact is that
what is good for everybody is a healthy sex life. It maintains the happiness of
the family, and of course children want more than anything for their parents to
be happy with a strong, positive bond.
It’s
absolutely important that women should make time and develop the desire to make
love to their husbands. Though the fact remains it’s not about women abandoning
everything to have sex with their spouse, it’s about spending quality time
together and building up the desire through the week.
You
start well by feeling sexy and that means making yourself right of the way. For
women right of the way should be self-care, after all if you feel good about yourself,
you're highly likely to feel sexual.
6. Failing to appreciate your partner
It’s
easy to focus on kids, work and home and don’t remember the little gestures
that strengthens a marriage. In healthy relationships, there are drips of
appreciation very often extended to the other. They may be eye contact, hugs,
touching, smiles, or agreeable verbal comments that profess respect for the
other like 'I’m with you on that’ or ‘that’s a great thought’ or even being
affirmative with the word ‘yes’. Paying attention, agreeing, appreciating, and
loving are all helpful signals that sent out positive energy that wrap both
people definitely.
Being
appreciative reminds both partners of their love and likeness for each other,
and great friendship is at the soul of successful marriages. It's frequent
that married people tend to operate on an expired knowledge of self, moving
them away from a genuine appreciation of each other. Finally, it’s a fairy tale that a
good marriage sustains itself. No it doesn’t. A good marriage entails a
continuous learning about each other. The marriage relationship continues to
evolve, after all what you are at 25 is not what you are ten years down the line.
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Credit: Creative Commons
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